The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
