Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
