Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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