Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
