IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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