so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
