i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
