He uses pillows to masturbate.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
