she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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