remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
