why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
