i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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