I puked a lego.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize