We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize