There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
