Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
