You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
