look no pants
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize