Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
