the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
