Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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