She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
