Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
