just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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