UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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