It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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