i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
