I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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