Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
