ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
