i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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