there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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