I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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