I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
