Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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