We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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