I want to have your abortion
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
