fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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