I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
