The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
