i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
