The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
