I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize