I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
