It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
