so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
3 2 1 whiskey
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
