if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize