the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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