I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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