Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
