At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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