VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
