so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
