I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
