i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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