oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
