Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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