I think my fart just growled at me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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