She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
