Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
