i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
