did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
