I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I look better un-naked...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
