Moan for me like Helen Keller
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
