There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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