In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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