how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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