Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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